18/06/2021 Personal Values & Integrity Index

Day Forty Seven.

On my walk today I realised that after a relationship spanning nearly twenty years - with it's ups and downs - that I've developed a sense of sexual suppression.

Let me elaborate a little...

My longterm partner and I have chosen to open our relationship up (well I say open it up, but more really a separating of us two, but a co-habiting/co-parenting situation if I'm honest). And with this relationship dynamic change has come a shift.

This is quite funny but I've felt like the connection between my nob (penis) and my brain seems to have a bit of a block in it.  

Here's what I mean.

Whereas in the past I'd get turned on by pretty much any hottie that walks by, now, my cock and balls just kind of says: "Meh". It's just not bothered. 

And I think I know the answer why.

I think after such a long relationship - without access to any other vaginas (well pretty much anyway), and also with the pressure/guilt of the family thing, plus the not wanting to hurt the mother of my kids too has all added to my sexual suppression for want of a better word.

So, here's what I'm going to do about it.

I'm going to look into it and work out what the core reasons for it are.  Is it a guilt thing, an anxiety thing, maybe it's a childhood thing, a chakra thing, who knows.  Either way, I'm going to go on a bit of a dig around and try and get to the bottom of it.

And with a bit of luck I'll be back at the crease, ready and raring to go.

I'll keep you posted (bet you can't wait, lol).

Tasks for tomorrow, to be better than I was today:

Still haven't finished the E-Myth book, but I'm getting some good work done regardless, so hopefully smash out some more good shit tomorrow.

- Rowan.